Vantablack Leggings

To the Makers of Vantablack: 

I read with great interest about the release of your proprietary coating a few years ago. No, that’s wrong, I listened to a podcast about it, while lying in my bunk at night on the fishing boat where I was working. 

I recall having a few thoughts at the time. I was thrilled to hear the descriptions of Vantablack as an existential darkness, a darkness unto non-existence, I got tingles, maybe just because I’ve never heard such a compelling description of a ‘color’ that I hadn’t yet seen. I also figured a rapper would paint one of their cars in it. And then I stopped thinking about it. 

But now my wife has been bringing up the issue of panty lines. She’s started running, started wearing leggings while running, and can’t find a pair of leggings in the wide world that can make her panty lines disappear. She finds it unfair that she should be made to wear a thong or wear nothing under leggings. Hence a new application for your product: leggings. If the blackest black really does have the capacity to make things disappear, surely it could disappear a pair of panty lines. Problem solved. And yet… 

I can’t personally support the application of your product to leggings. For one, I find panty lines fetching. Secondly I fear the pigment might take things too far. The transit of a pair of fine strong legs into the shadow-realm: not something I’m wild about. But I also love my wife and want to see her happy. If she wants her panty lines to disappear, you can make them disappear. Please feel free to steal this idea.