The Maxwell Perkins Editorial Algorithm

Maxwell Perkins edited Fitzgerald and Hemingway. Another way of putting it is that he took some pretty lumpy drafts and shaped them into the prose style that continues to bear the standard for American English. 

Maxwell Perkins is no longer with us. This idea, then, is not only an automation of M.P.’s editorial eye, but also a resurrection of sorts. 

1. Development phase

By quantifiably comparing the lumpy drafts of Hem., Fitz. to the finished products, we arrive at a system of rules. What kinds of words get swapped out for other words. Where to put a comma. Etc. A system of rules. The Maxwell Perkins Rules. 

2. Programming phase 

It should not be overly difficult for an experienced programmer to build an algorithm from the Maxwell Perkins Rules. Computers are good at rules.

3. Applications 

Standalone plugin for word processing software. “Want to write like Hemingway? Here’s your chance!” College market. Get some professors on board. Have them recommend the product to their worst writers. And all of their writers. Seed a generation of Hemingways though automation. 

Publishers. Roll out a version of the plugin for publishing houses. That creaky old man who hasn’t put out a hit in years and doesn’t see the point of male interns — he’s getting replaced with the Maxwell Perkins Editorial Algorithm. 

Microsoft. Bag a lion. Make the (convincing) case that the Maxwell Perkins Editorial Algorithm will make the next update of Word a “game changer.” Sell your company to Microsoft, but be sure to negotiate for stock options. 

4. Public relations 

Every technological advance has its own unique societal impact. 

First, we must deal with our newly minted Fitzgeralds and Hemingways. Make charitable donations to substance abuse programs and wildlife protection. The Maxwell Perkins Editorial Algorithm does not support wanton trophy hunting. 

Next, the casualties of the disrupted publishing industry. To ensure our out-of-work editors are not wandering the streets of New York, critiquing signage, establish a safe, comfortable place for these individuals. The Maxwell Perkins Rest Home for Literary Lions, or similar (note: secure the rights to M.P.’s name). Include a well-stocked library in large print.

And now that the publishing industry is cleared of the old guard, it’s time to put the Maxwell Perkins Editorial Algorithm to the test. Scour the slush pile for the crappiest, mistake-riddled manuscript by a troubled adolescent. Run it through the algo. Publish it. Win literary prizes. Wait until the acceptance speech to reveal the secret sauce that brought our random young person literary glory. Choose this moment to reveal the sheer number of bestsellers practically written by the Maxwell Perkins Editorial Algorithm. Watch the stock ticker.